...working on this one

I was throwing stones into the sea,
trying to cast desires far from me
to drop into the ocean, to watch them forever disappear into the night.

I threw and threw and threw,
until I realized I could throw no more
Like prayers prayed to rid myself of some great weight,
but never answered, never leaving.
Still those desires held to me like they were part of me.
stuck to me

I don't want it, take it, keep it,
drown it in the sea.

Again and again I threw the stones into the sea
again and again they kept coming back to me.
Perhaps I'll throw myself into the sea.

If I could throw myself into the sea,
sink beneath the waves and have this all just go away
Would God keep saving me? Preventing me from drowning,
Would He send a whale to carry me back to the shore where he wants me?

I wonder if Jonah was bitter at God for saving his life and putting him on that beach...